Emulsification
by Alpha-Starr
Summary: The Domino High Baking Club is convinced that Joey and Kaiba belong together, even though they mix like water and oil. After all, even oil and water can be made to come together when you emulsify them with a little egg... SxJ and devious matchmaking
1. Monday

Disclaimer: Why not? Why can't I own Yu-Gi-Oh and the affiliated characters, plot devices, and children's card games? What's that? Oh, it looks like Kazuki Takahashi already owns it, and it won't be for sale for a long time. Drat. There's also a vague GX reference in there, but I don't own that either.

A/N: I had a lot of negative feelings because someone wrote a really mean reply to one of my reviews. Since I aim not to offend people, it really hurt me, because I evidently had... So, I wrote this to cheer myself up! Somehow, it wound up turning into a multi-chaptered story, albeit a short one. I'll update every day this week, according to what day it is in the chapter, ok? :)  
>Also, I was hungry when I wrote this. Can you tell?<p>

Warnings: Some fangirling, OCs with minor parts, conspiracy, Boy/Boy love.

Beta'd by my BFF/pseudo-twin Alan. He is epic win. :)

7/27/11: Edited. Fixed some grammatical errors, etc.

* * *

><p>-Monday, 2:30 PM, Domino High School Kitchens-<p>

Ryou Bakura liked baking.

A lot.

He loved to combine ingredients that tasted horrid on their own into something truly worth eating- to take that bland, dry flour and mix it with slimy eggs, greasy shortening, bitter chocolate, and over-saccharine sugar to create a dessert that was deliciously delicate, with a perfect, fluffy texture, and was just sweet enough to tantalize the taste buds. It was borderline magic.

He loved to see the expressions of her friends' faces as they sampled his creations, clearly happy with the results. Friendship was among Ryou's most valued of ideals, and anything that made his friends happy made him happy, too. And, of course, he loved making friends with fellow bakers, who shared his desire to spread the sugar-imbued happiness across the world.

Ryou loved to dedicate himself to baking on lonely afternoons where he'd opted out of hanging with Yugi and the gang, mostly because he feared that he would be unable to control his vengeful dark side. After promising the other Bakura an assortment of desserts that he could mutilate while pretending they were the Pharaoh, he was usually much easier to work with; Ryou would be able to go about most of his business without difficulty. The other voice in his head would normally take him over only if there were desserts to be had, a Pharaoh to exact revenge on, or a card game to play.

Ryou Bakura took baking very seriously. It could literally be a life-or-death situation in his case: a situation where Ryou wanted his friends to live, the other Bakura wanted them to die, and the only way to placate his darkness was with sweets.

Yes, Ryou liked baking.

A lot.

And it was for this reason that he was president of Domino High's Baking Club, which met in the school kitchen every Monday afternoon.

When Ryou first entered the room, Julian Kainou was already sitting at his usual spot in the corner, messing with his graphing calculator. He had an open block at the end of the day, but he usually stuck around for Baking Club on Monday.

"The ovens are preheated, in case you're wondering," he explained. "And I've started baking a lemon cake, too... it still has about ten minutes to go."

"Awesome, I can't wait to taste it," Ryou peered briefly at the oven. "It looks great already!"

"Thanks," Kainou gave a small smile, then returned to reprogramming his calculator.

"Hi there, Ryou~!" Téa smiled as she entered, waving around a small box. "I brought some cookies that I baked this weekend... would you please try one and tell me how to fix them? They taste kind of off, but I can't figure out where I went wrong..."

"But of course, Téa," Ryou smiled back, before taking one as a sample. He bit into it, then promptly choked from the strong flavor.

"Oh my God, Ryou!" Téa gasped. "Are you okay?"

Ryou coughed and said, "Fine, fine. The flavor just surprised me, that's all. Exactly how much licorice extract did you put in there? It's very strong, so you should probably decrease the amount you put in..."

"Oh dear!" Téa fretted. "I must have gotten my licorice extract mixed up with my vanilla extract! Thanks so much, Ryou!"

"No problem," the British boy smiled. He heard Dark Bakura gag in the back of his mind from the warm-and-fuzzy friendship feeling.

"Hey, Mr. President," a few of his fangirls giggled as they twirled in. They were perhaps the least favorite of all of Ryou's club members, mostly because they didn't really have any real affection for baking.

"Hello, ladies," Ryou replied politely. "Have you seen Yugi around lately? He's the only one we're still waiting for."

"Er, I think I saw him in the hallway with Joey before..." Brianne scratched her head. "That was a few minutes ago, at the lockers..."

"I'm not sure he's coming today," Kita rubbed her chin.

"Ah, well, I suppose we can't help it," Ryou sighed before brightening up. "Today, we're going to make brownies! They're relatively portable, and I can deliver some to him later, when I pass by the Game Shop on my way home."

The rest all nodded, then began to measure out ingredients while chatting amicably.

Yugi suddenly burst in through the door, out of breath. Seven heads turned to see him.

"Welcome back, Yugi!" Ryou welcomed him warmly. "Don't worry, you haven't missed much."

"Sorry I'm late, guys," Yugi laughed. "Joey got into a fight with Kaiba... again. I had to pull them apart... _again_!"

"Seriously? Dude, that's messed up," Lulu sympathized.

"Please. Just don't involve yourself in their flirting," Kainou dismissed it. "Not like they're going to kill each other or anything."

He garnered a few strange glances.

"What? It's all true," Kainou looked thoroughly offended. "Have you ever wondered why the CEO of a multibillion-dollar cooperation bothers to take the time out of his day to insult your everyday boy? Or why said everyday boy is always staring at him in class?"

"That's stupid!" gasped Kita. "There's no way those two hotties are gay, much less that they like each other! Even if they did, a relationship between them could never come to existence; they mix like water and oil!"

To emphasize her point, she vigorously gestured towards a measuring cup, where a mass of oil rested literally on top of the water. She stirred the cup, and everyone watched the water and oil separate again.

"Hmm, I don't know, I think Kainou might be on to something..." Brianne giggled. "When they fight, don't you notice how close their faces get? And, that one duel they televised from Battle City? I could almost _see_ the sexual tension!"

"Well, Ryou, there _was_ that one time where Joey was unconscious, and he was about to fall off Tristan's back, but Kaiba caught him. _Mou hitori no boku_ told me so," Yugi nodded. He used the Japanese term for his other self in order to prevent the others from thinking he was a psycho for having a voice in his head. For all they knew, it was an obscure Japanese nickname for a lover.

"Yugi!" Ryou exclaimed in shock. "You can't seriously be thinking of this!"

"But why not?" Yugi blinked up at Ryou innocently.

"Hmmm..." Téa looked thoughtful. "That's right. At least, if they begin dating, they'll be too busy doing couple-y things to be fighting. Then, we can welcome Kaiba into our group and we'll all be friends! Then, we can draw a symbol of friendship on his hand, too, the next time we get in an important duel!"

Yugi rubbed his hand subconsciously. He swore he could still see the last one if he squinted.

"Maybe not that far, Téa," Yugi said. "Kaiba isn't a very sociable person..."

"I still say they won't get together," Kita insisted. "They're too different, in both social standing and attitude."

"But, you know," Kainou walked back to where the cup was. He cracked an egg in the glass and stirred. "It only takes a little egg to make water and oil come together..."

"What are you implying?" Ryou looked badly alarmed. He had a feeling he was going to get mixed in with some awful business here...

"He's saying we should emulsify them," Brianne smiled. "We're going to do some matchmaking!"

Ding!

The oven's timer went off, and Kainou went to go take out his cake.

"Let's bake brownies while the cake cools!" Ryou suggested hurriedly, carefully beginning to add the mixture of egg, water, and oil to the mixture of flour, baking soda, and sugar. The rest of the group agreed, and went back to their own stations and their own batches of confectionaries. They still chatted amicably, though this time, it was more about how to get Kaiba and Joey together than their latest baking exploit.

And Ryou thought, as he slipped the pan of brownie batter into the oven, this would be a very long week.


	2. Tuesday

Disclaimer: I _totally_ own Yu-Gi-Oh and the affiliated characters, plot devices, and children's card games. Because I just so happen to be Kazuki Takahashi. NOT. :P

A/N: So, here's the Tuesday section. I think it's one of the funnier sections, in my personal opinion. Kaiba and Joey actually make an appearance in this one, yay!  
>Also, I'd really like to hear your opinon on my OCs... are they obnoxious yet? xD<p>

Warning: Some fangirling, OCs with plot relevant parts, conspiracy, Boy/Boy love, sexual innuendo, language.

* * *

><p>-Tuesday, 7:15 AM, Outside School Grounds-<p>

"Are you ready, Kainou?" Brianne whispered to the boy next to her.

"But of course," he smiled darkly. "I can't wait to prove Kita wrong... Oh, and I guess the peace will be nice too."

"Target Trench Coat has approached the building," an urgent whisper cracked over their walkie-talkie. "I repeat, Target Trench Coat has approached the building!"

Kainou stood, leaving his spot next to the wall. Then, he walked straight up to Seto Kaiba.

"Good morning," he said blandly.

"Do I know you?" Kaiba growled.

"You are Seto Kaiba," he replied. "I would like to give you these cookies. I very much enjoyed the new KaibaCorp game that just came out. Rest assured, they are of the highest caliber."

Kaiba linked at him before saying, "I don't have time for some fanboy."

"I assure you, it's merely a thank you for creating and marketing a product that has given me endless hours of entertainment," Kainou pushed his glasses up his face, then stared straight into Kaiba's glare. "The graphics on Duelist of Darkness are extraordinarily well done, and the plot line is highly intricate. I can't help but wonder what inspired you to create the character of Katsuya Jonouchi. He's abnormally cute, what with his feisty personality and puppy-like mannerisms. He's my favorite; if he were real, I would love to date him."

Kaiba growled, "Whatever."

He blatantly snubbed the box of cookies and entered the building.

"Target Trench Coat has entered the building premises," Brianne whispered harshly against her walkie talkie. "Is the Mangy Mutt in place?"

"Just know that I don't condone the codename," Téa's voice cracked over, so quiet it was barely comprehensible. "But, yes. He is."

Yugi suddenly appeared on the scene, Joey following him shortly afterwards. They appeared to be discussing dueling strategy.

"Hey, Yug', I wonder what's eatin' that guy over there..." Joey looked towards Kainou. Though he acted cool in front of Kaiba, for the purposes of their plot, he was a sobbing mess on the floor now. Or pretending to be, really. "Hey, dude, what's wrong?"

"I- It was Kaiba!" Kainou pretended to sob. "I just wanted to give him a little gift, cause I really appreciated his work on my favorite game... and, and then he wouldn't accept it... I worked really hard to make it for him, and he didn't even pretend to reject it nicely..."

"That bastard!" Joey huffed, leaning Kainou's head over his shoulder. It dampened, due to the water Kainou had splashed on his face. "That's just like him! Don't pay attention to that, he's just a jerk, he does that to everyone who tries to do anything nice for him."

Kainou looked up at Joey before smiling softly, "Thank you, I feel much better now... why don't you take the gift instead? I'm sure you'll appreciate it far more than Kaiba would."

"Really? Well, gee, thanks," Joey blushed cutely. He accepted the box and opened it. "Oh, hey, cookies! They look really delicious! I bet you worked really hard on them, too! You're sure you want to give these to me?"

"But of course," Kainou took Joey's hand in his. "Thanks for making me feel better."

"You're welcome," and Joey smiled goofily, then helped Kainou up. The boy bade him goodbye, then quickly vanished against the edge of the building.

"My God, Brianne," he gasped. "Never again... never again!"

"No promises," she replied, then turned back to watch the action unfold.

They watched Joey pick a cookie out of the box, then move to bite it. Kaiba caught his hand and began barking harshly at him.

"Idiot!" he exclaimed. "Can't you tell? Those are obviously poisoned!"

"Geez, Kaiba, chill!" Joey glared back. "That nice guy who gave them to me obviously wouldn't poison anybody!"

"How would you know?" Kaiba bit back. "There are hundreds of people who try to poison me every day, and everyone is suspect. He might be trying to go after _you_, as well. There isn't any reason why anyone _would_, but who knows what goes on inside a psycho's head?"

"Stop being such a paranoid bastard, Kaiba," Joey defiantly bit into the cookie, then promptly fell over.

"What the hell?" Kaiba tried to shake his shoulder, then gave up. "Told you so, Wheeler."

Joey suddenly shot up, an expression of pure bliss written all over his face.

"That was so good, I almost fainted!" he squealed. "I think I'm in heaven~! Damn, you really missed out, Kaiba."

And Kaiba's eyebrow twitched just once before he said, "You could have died, Wheeler."

"Whatever, Kaiba. You're just pissed that you turned down such awesome cookies," Joey smirked. The bell rang just as Kaiba was about to reply, and Joey jetted off to class, munching away at the contents of the box he held.

Kaiba screamed in fury.

"Well," Brianne fumed. "That didn't go as planned. Where was the speech about how Kaiba didn't want Joey to die because some psycho was trying to poison him? Or the confession of how Joey really matters a lot to him, and he doesn't want to lose him?"

"Pshhh," Kainou snorted. "Little do they know, I actually _did_ poison the cookies."

"Really?" Brianne gasped.

"With aphrodisiac," Kainou smirked. "Judging by the amount of food in his body, then factoring in his BMI value, he should begin feeling it sometime between periods three and four, shortly before lunch hits. He sits near Kaiba in both of those classes. If I am absent from both of those blocks- which I will be, by the way, because of a dentist appointment- then there will be no other place for Joey to latch his attraction. They can fuck during the lunch block."

"Damn," Brianne whistled. "That's some wicked plan there."

"Well, of course," Kainou replied. "We're each getting our own shot at pushing them together, right?"

-Tuesday, 11:14 AM, Math Class-

Joey Wheeler was feeling very uncomfortable, and he had no idea why.

Well, to tell the technical truth, he knew exactly why he was uncomfortable. He had a bit of a problem, and it had nothing to do with the ones on the worksheet in front of him. In the middle of fucking math class, his least favorite class of the day. The problem was that he didn't know _why_ he had... that "issue" with his pants.

It was true that he sat right next to Seto Kaiba, the hottest guy at Domino High and the subject of all of his wet dreams. But, in class- especially the class right before lunch- all of his daydreams were about food. Hey, what could he say? School made him hungry.

Joey growled, stealing another look at Kaiba. The only thing he was hungry for right now was... well...

He blushed furiously, then tried to turn his attention back to the worksheet in front of him. He glared at it. When would he ever need to know how to graph the equation X squared minus Y squared over four equals four?

"Mister Wheeler," their kind teacher peered over his glasses at him. "Do you understand question number seven?"

"Uh, I don't think so," he scratched his head and blushed. "Sorry... I don't really get circles."

"Actually, it isn't a circle. It's a shape called a hyperbola," the teacher offered him a piece of chalk. "Would you like to give it a try anyways?"

"Not really..." he blushed again, afraid to stand because of the obvious tent in his uniform pants. He tried to will away the rising hardness. "I know I'm gonna get it wrong..."

"Hn, I see," the teacher thought for a second, then directed a question to the entire class, "Would anyone else like to answer question seven?"

The only sound that filled the room was Kaiba's maniac-esque, freakishly fast typing.

"Then, I propose a contest!" he declared. "You will be partnered with the person sitting next to you, and assigned a question to solve. The pair that presents the best answer to the question will win!"

"What do we get if we win?" some kid hollered.

"The satisfaction of beating all your classmates," the class groaned.

"And a lollipop each," and the room rang with cheers.

"Hn, idiots," Kaiba grumbled.

"What did you say?" the teacher glared at him. "We are in math class, Mister Kaiba! And rule number one of Mr. Kagamiseki's Math Class is that nobody is an idiot!"

"You can put a goat in a tuxedo, but it'll still be a goat," Kaiba replied.

"Well, I suppose you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it," the teacher frowned. "So I'll put you with Wheeler for this project!"

Brianne squealed from her corner of the room.

Yugi and Téa exchanged giddy smiles.

Joey blushed even harder than before.

And Kaiba said, "Hn. Fine."

Ryou could practically smell the forthcoming disaster. And, yes, his dark side's sudden eagerness to come out _did_ have something to do with it, thank you very much.

The teacher began to pass out other questions and rubrics- evidently, it was his _plan_ to make everyone unable to answer question seven- and Joey scooted his desk over to Kaiba's, trying to carefully hide the thing in his pants. They set to work on the math problem, growling and arguing all the while.

Then, at the end of class, the bell rang, and the teacher hollered out that their projects would be due next class.

Nobody heard Brianne's scream over the commotion. As it would turn out, Joey was a lot better at holding out against sexual frustration than most.

Yugi and Téa turned to each other and nodded. It was their turn tomorrow.

And Ryou? He just let his head fall to the desk with a soft thud.


	3. Wednesday

Disclaimer: I can't own Yu-Gi-Oh and the affiliated characters, plot devices, and children's card games? Kazuki Takahashi already owns it, and it isn't on sale? Darn. GX reference in there, too. Not like I own that series either...

A/N: My beta and I edited the hell out of this chapter. Asdfkjhwedohg. It's totally different from what it was before he got around to editing it.  
>I'd really love it if you guys told me what you think of the duel. The rulescards I'm are the same ones from chapter 6 of my fic "Friday", for argument's sake. It's this super-weird hybrid between anime and manga rules (Fyi, if you like this fic, you'll probably like that one, too. Go check it out!)

Obnoxious Author Ranting: So, the person I mentioned in my first chapter put a rant in the A/Ns of one of their fics, and in it, they complained about "people who flame me then block my PMs so I can't reply," or something along those lines. I would like to complain that s/he sent an extraordinarily cruel reply to my review and then blocked me, so I couldn't reply... I'm really mad that s/he's being such a hypocrite, yet incredibly sad at the same time. I really, really admire the author's writing style, and I made sure to tell him/her so. To have one of my favorite fanfiction authors literally refute my criticism point-for-point and even take offense to a joke that I put... and then get on other peoples' cases for doing the same thing that s/he did in retaliation to my review... well, it just bothers me. Tremendously. I need a hug.  
>(P.S. If you actually read through that rant, thank you very much... ^^)<p>

Warnings: Some fangirling, conspiracy, Boy/Boy love, sexual innuendo, cursing.

(Mind link talking is in parentheses. Like these.)

* * *

><p>-Wednesday, 3:00 PM, Just Outside the Game Shop-<p>

The other Yugi chuckled. He figured it was about time his former cousin got a lover.

So, naturally, when his partner had contacted him via mind link with a plot to get Kaiba and Joey together, he agreed wholeheartedly to the plan- after, of course, adding his own little twists to it. If it was a strategy created by the great King of Games, there was no way it could fail... right?

In Yami's opinion, the pair of duelists could be a team that rivaled himself and Yugi. They were power and potential, the perfect match, and they really had more stuff in common than they realized- and yes, that "stuff" _did_ go beyond a shared fetish involving dragons. The ever-perceptive former Pharaoh could clearly see that, in addition to a dragon fetish, they were both clearly interested in furries! And it was also pretty obvious that they got a serious kick out of fighting each other.

That was kind of important, too, in its own way.

Not to mention the pet names! Yami chuckled to himself, wondering exactly who Kaiba was fooling with that. Those two were _so_ going to get married, figure out male pregnancy, and have children by the names of Alexis and Atticus, who would take on Kaiba's last name from before he was adopted.

Seriously. Isis predicted it.

That was why Yami decided to interfere with the almost-couple. And, like all things in the world, he was going to do it with the help of a children's card game... starting with actually accepting Kaiba's weekly request for a duel.

"Kaiba's Kitten is approaching the game shop," Téa whispered through her microphone. They'd chosen to go the unexpected route; Joey never considered himself a cat person. "He's just gotten out of detention. Is Joey's Jerk nearby?"

Yami peered out the door of the game shop and spotted a limo but a block away.

"Yes, Joey's Jerk is almost here," Yami said. "He's at the intersection between Smith Street and Dale Drive."

"We'll be there soon," Téa replied, then cut off the communication link.

("Other me," Yugi called him through the mind link. "Remember to use the strategy we discussed yesterday, all right? I know that sometimes you get caught up in the duel and forget to stick to what we talked about...")

(Yami replied, "Don't worry, Partner, I won't mess this up. My friends' happiness means a lot to me. I'll remember to use the deck we prepared last night, for certain.")

So, Yami waited. It wouldn't be long until Kaiba came to the shop, and then they could put their plan into action. While Kaiba failed to defeat him, due to the sudden influx of dog-related cards in his deck, he would be forced to think about Joey for the entire duration of the duel. And, of course, Yami had plans to drag out the duel as long as possible. He was certain that, if Joey so happened to be around after the duel- and Joey _always_ watched Yami duel- Kaiba would suddenly realize his feelings for his blond-haired rival, and confess on the spot.

However, it was not to be the case.

"Rich boy! What the Hell are _you_ doin' here?" Joey's voice cut through Yami's thought process. He opened the door to the shop, only to find Joey and Kaiba engaged in verbal battle a mere five feet from the door. He facepalmed.

"I happen to have a duel with Muto this afternoon," Kaiba sneered back. "Unlike you, I actually possess the ability to play card games!"

"Hey! I can play Duel Monsters, too!" Joey growled. "I challenge ya to a duel! Right here, right now!"

"Please, like I have time to duel a proletariat like you," Kaiba blatantly snubbed him by walking straight past him as if he wasn't even there, fully intent on reaching the game shop.

"Oh yeah?" Joey retaliated. "I bet yer just too scared to challenge this prole- proletriat an' lose!"

"It's pronounced _proletariat_, mutt," Kaiba's patented death glare was now affixed to Joey's face. "And Seto Kaiba isn't afraid of anything."

_"I'm _not _afraid of being poisoned," _Kaiba thought to himself as a way of reassurance. "_I'm merely being cautious. It's happened before, and I'm simply taking precautions to prevent it from happening again_."

As if he'd ever admit to being afraid of anything.

"Then prove it, Moneybags," Joey already had his Duel Disk at the ready.

"Fine, Mutt!" Kaiba whipped out his Duel Disk and equipped it to his person. "Bring it on!"

("Wow, Kaiba must really love Joey," Yugi commented. "He's passing up a duel with you to fight with him!")

("Either that, or Kaiba just isn't thinking," Yami internally chuckled. "I've noticed that Joey tends to have that effect on him. Should I bring it to his attention, or leave it be?")

("Leave it for now, " Yugi replied. "It's been a while since I've seen them duel. They're always so intense!")

"Let's duel!" they yelled at each other, and drew five cards each.

"They say dat gentlemen should let ladies go first," Joey drawled.

"So, of course, I'll let you have the first turn," Kaiba smirked.

"Bastard," Joey growled, but drew from his deck, anyways. "All right, I'll summon Gearfried the Iron Knight in attack position! Then, I'll place this card face-down, under it, and end my turn!"

_"You'd like to be face-down under_ my _attack position,"_ Kaiba thought, leering in Joey's direction.

(Duels can be romantic," Yugi insisted. He paused for a second. "Well, at least _I_ think they can be. Maybe they'll confess after Kaiba plays the card I snuck into his deck earlier this morning.")

"I use the Advanced Ritual Art spell card to special summon Paladin of White Dragon, and I discard Battle Ox from my hand as a result," Kaiba began. "Next, I use the spell card Ancient Rules to special summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon from my hand! Then, I summon Vorse Raider, and enter the battle phase! Using my Vorse Raider, I attack and terminate your Iron Knight, which costs you 100 Life Points! Then, I attack you directly with my Blue Eyes' Destruction Burst Stream!"

"Wait up!" Joey exclaimed. "I activate my spell card, Scapegoat!"

"Fine," Kaiba growled. "I redirect my Blue Eyes' attack towards your Sheep Token, and I obliterate yet another Sheep Token with my Paladin of White Dragon. I end the battle phase, then I tribute the Paladin of White Dragon to special summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon from my deck!"

"..." Joey paused. "Wait, did you just summon a whole bunch of monsters in one turn?"

"It's all in accordance with the rules," Kaiba smirked. "I am permitted to special summon as many monsters as I wish."

"Screw the rules, I've got a headache," Joey scoured the edges of his mind, trying to figure out what Kaiba did to summon two Blue Eyes White Dragons, a Paladin of White Dragon, and a Vorse Raider all in one turn. "You've gotta be cheating!"

"If you can't figure out something as simple as special summoning, maybe you should just give up now," Kaiba sneered.

"No way!" Joey exclaimed indignantly. "Rule one of the Joey Wheeler handbook is 'Never turn down a challenge!' It's my turn, so you better get ready!"

Joey drew a card, "All right! Now, I use the Ancient Rules I just drew to special summon the Red Eyes Black Dragon in attack mode! Then, I regular summon the Gene Warped Warwolf from my hand, and I also activate Enemy Controller! I pay 1000 Life Points to take control of your Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

Kaiba's eyes widened.

"Now, I battle!" Joey declared. "I use the Blue Eyes on my side to attack the Blue Eyes on your side, and both of 'em get destroyed! Then, I get rid of your Vorse Raider with the Gene Warped Warwolf, meaning ya lose 100 LP! Finally, I attack ya directly with my Red Eyes Black Dragon! It's Wheeler time!"

Kaiba visibly flinched from the sudden burden of losing 2400 LP in one burst. Now, he only had 1500 LP remaining, as opposed to Joey's 2900.

"You!" he roared in fury.

"But I ain't done yet, Kaiba," Joey waved the last card in his hand flirtatiously before slamming it face-up into a spell card space. "I activate Monster Reborn! Meet yer Blue Eyes White Dragon, on my side of da field to stay!"

Kaiba ground his teeth furiously, careful to let his anger show only through his eyes. His patented death glare was so intense, Joey swore he could feel a burn welling up on his skin already. How did the proletariat manage to get a Blue Eyes White Dragon, a Red Eyes Black Dragon, and a Gene Warped Warwolf on his side of the field in only one turn? Only he was allowed to summon that many monsters in one turn; the complexity of the rules forbade almost anyone else from doing so!

"It's my turn!" Kaiba declared, drawing a card. He eyed it. Strange, he didn't recall _ever_ putting such a pathetic monster in his deck. He almost showed his contempt for the card with an actual facial expression, but settled for glaring at it instead.

And in the background, Yami sweatdropped.

("No!" Yami gasped in his head. "You didn't!")

("I did," Yugi giggled. "A Happy Lover~!")

("That was sneaky of you, _Aibou_," he used the Japanese term he'd heard in Yugi's language class, a term that he found vaguely cuter than 'partner'. "That will work perfectly in this plan!")

Kaiba growled, before decisively playing the other card in his hand.

"I discard a 'Happy Lover' to activate my spell card, Lightning Vortex, which destroys every monster on your side of the field!" he roared, still upset that someone had played a prank on him, forcing him to draw a card that looked like it belonged in the annoying friendship girl's deck.

"Since when did you get that card?" Joey frowned. Kaiba never put cards with such low attack into his deck!

"I don't know," Kaiba ground out. "Someone must have slipped it in when I wasn't looking. It's a good thing I caught it before a duel with anyone who actually matters."

(Yami and Yugi both internally sweatdropped.)

("So much for that plan," Yami sighed through the mindlink.)

(Yugi pouted in response.)

"Why you-" Joey clenched his fists to prevent himself from attacking Kaiba right then, which would make him forfeit the duel.

"It's my turn!" Joey said, then drew a card. Not a bad one, but not great either. "I set this card and end my turn."

Kaiba drew a card and smirked. It was exactly the one he wanted. He prepared to play it when-

Beep beep!

Kaiba glanced down at his watch, furious with it for ruining the atmosphere, where he'd set an alarm to let him know when he would have to leave for a meeting with Industrial Illusions. He'd have to finish this duel up, and fast.

"I use Monster Reborn to bring back my Blue Eyes White Dragon, then I attack with Destruction Burst Stream!" he declared.

Yami, Yugi, and Téa all watched in horror as Kaiba's dragon built up its white beam and blasted it into Joey.

Téa jabbed Yami sharply in the side as they watched Joey spasm from being hit with the enormous burst of almost opaque white energy.

"What do we do?" she hissed. "This isn't part of the plan!"

"Yugi says that dueling can be romantic," Yami whispered back. "Just let it be."

Téa hit herself in the forehead, exasperated. Ugh, boys.

Knowing that Joey's Life Points would drop to zero, Kaiba turned around and walked towards his limo.

"Hey! Get back here, Moneybags!" Joey yelled after him, waving around the card he was about to flip over, Nutrient-Z. "I haven't finished with ya yet! I still have a counter!"

"And I have an important meeting to get to, so get lost, Mutt," Kaiba growled back. Joey recoiled, looking very much like a lost, dejected puppy.

"Dueling is romantic, huh?" Téa glared at Yami, furious because of her plan's failure.

And Yami sighed.


	4. Thursday

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh and the affiliated characters/places/plot devices/card games aren't mine. I don't own them. Seriously.

A/N: Thank Ra for the Baking Club's mad culinary skillz! I was super-hungry when I wrote this. Can you tell?  
>(Also, don't tell my other OCs, but I think Kita is my favorite. xD)<p>

Warnings: Some fangirling, OCs with minor parts, conspiracy, Boy/Boy love, cursing, some minor innuendo.

* * *

><p>-Thursday, 7:15 AM, Domino High School Hallways-<p>

Kita chuckled darkly from her hiding spot in the niche between the band room and the water fountain. If she stood at just the right angle, she was nearly impossible to see.

"Louisa, Lulu, are the notes in place?" Kita whispered into her walkie-talkie. Hey, just because she thought that Kaiba and Joey wouldn't theoretically work out didn't mean that she didn't want them to be together... even if she did think their relationship would be short-lived. They looked cute together!

"Yeah," the other two Baking Club members simultaneously replied. They weren't twins, but they acted close enough.

"All right," Kita shifted her eyes to the far end of the hall, where Joey and Kaiba's lockers were. The only person there was Kainou, who was rearranging his own, which was right next to theirs. "Do either of you see where they might be?"

"Not here," Louisa replied. "The South entrance is completely void of people."

"I think I see Kaiba approaching the North entrance," Lulu answered. "No sign of Joey anywhere, though."

"Perfect," Kita smiled. She didn't have to wait long before Kaiba was at his locker, threatening Kainou for his little cookie stunt on Tuesday, and spinning his locker open to be surprised by a red card mired with black designs.

She watched as Kaiba read the note. She giggled quietly, to herself, as she recalled the contents of the note, word-for-word.

_Dear Kaiba,_ she knew it said.

_You're a bastard, but I think I love you. There's just something about your intense blue eyes that gets me every time we fight or duel, and it makes my heart beat faster than it oughta. I know you'll hate me even more than you already do when you find out who I am, but I just wanna tell you my feelings for you in person... Please, meet me on the school rooftop during the lunch break._

_Love, your secret admirer._

And, of course, Kita had planted a note with a similar message in Joey's own locker:

_Dear Joey,_ it began.

_I like you, in spite of your mediocrity. Please meet me on the rooftop during the lunch break so that we may discuss this development. Lunch will be provided._

It was left unsigned, as that seemed to suit Kaiba's style. Kita rubbed her hands together in anticipation. All she would have to do is plant her pre-prepared picnic basket on the roof during her free block period four, then lock the pair on the roof until the end of lunch.

It was perfect!

-Thursday, 11:30 AM, School Rooftop-

"What the Hell are you doing here?"

Two voices shouted that same phrase in tandem as Kita locked the door to the school roof behind them. She climbed up into the ventilation system to creep on the two boys that she was matching.

"You left me a letter in my locker, or did you already forget?" Kaiba sneered at Joey.

"No way! You must've left _me_ a letter in _my_ locker... I came for the food," Joey huffed.

They glared furiously at each other before something finally dawned on them at the same time.

"We've both been tricked," Kaiba growled. He put down his brief case and sat against the nearest wall. He withdrew his laptop and began to type away at it.

"Damn!" Joey stormed over to the door and made to pull it open, then slam it back closed. It wouldn't budge.

"Silly proletariat," Kaiba chuckled briefly. "Did you think that whoever trapped us here would free his catch so easily?"

"It was worth a try, rich boy," Joey sulked. "I guess I'm stuck up here with you 'till whoever's locked us up here gets his laughs. Damn, I'm hungry."

"Tch," Kaiba snorted. "How very dogmatic of you."

"I ain't a dog, Kaiba!" Joey barked at him.

"I haven't said that you're a dog," Kaiba paused briefly. "Yet."

"Yeah, ya did!" Joey bit back. "Ya told me I was 'dogmatic'!"

"Dogmatic," Kaiba smirked. "As in, you adhere to a certain set of beliefs with the loyalty of a dog and the arrogance of one far above your status."

"So ya _were_ callin' me a dog!" there was no convincing Joey otherwise.

Kaiba sighed, then rubbed his forehead, "Yes, I suppose so."

Joey's excitement deflated, "It's no fun if ya just agree with me."

"Hn," Kaiba smirked.

"No fair," Joey pouted. "Now I'm bored _and_ hungry!"

He looked around the roof until something caught his eye.

"Oh hey, look!" he exclaimed joyfully. "It's a picnic basket! I wonder what's in it...?"

He took out the picnic blanket at the top, then spread it out. He sat on it as he unpacked the disposable napkins and eating utensils, then he came across a few large boxes of food. He opened the one labeled "Joey", and squealed gleefully at its contents.

"All right!" he exclaimed. "Curry bread, rice, and beef sandwiches! Man, whoever locked us up here is really awesome!"

"Stop!" Kaiba suddenly shut his laptop and rushed to stand. "That could be poisoned!"

"Aw, c'mon, Kaiba," Joey drawled. "Didn't ya learn anything from the cookies on Tuesday? Not everybody's out to getcha, so you don't have to be so paranoid. If they wanted to kill ya, why wouldn't they just shoot ya?"

"Listen up, Wheeler," Kaiba glared at him. "This isn't South Domino, where uncouth urchins roam the streets. It's possible. It's almost happened to me at least eight or nine times!"

"And I'm tellin' ya, if they wanted to poison ya, why would they get me involved?" Joey snorted. "I'll tell ya what. We'll each eat stuff from both boxes. If ya die, you've got the pleasure of takin' me down with ya. Then, when we get to the Scales where they weigh peoples' souls, you can say 'I told ya so,' okay?"

"Fine," and Kaiba opened the box with his name on it, which contained an identical meal. He couldn't deny it that he was pretty hungry.

Kaiba withdrew a sandwich from Joey's box. Joey took a curry bread from Kaiba's.

They bit into their selected items at the same time. Kaiba watched as Joey scarfed down the spherical food, waiting for him to collapse in agony as some toxic substance consumed him from the inside out. Seeing that it was safe, Kaiba hesitantly took another bite of the sandwich.

Now that he wasn't as concerned about dying a sudden and painful death, he noted that it was actually quite good. The beef was cut thickly, layered with Swiss cheese and a spicy horseradish spread. When he finally got around to trying the curry bread, he could tell that _someone_ was a bit into symbolism here... the two dishes were far more similar than one would expect; both featured melt-in-your-mouth beef with spicy flavoring. Yet, at first glance, they were complete opposites in terms of texture and taste. Where the curry bread was sweet, the sandwiches were pungent, and where the sandwiches were relatively dry and crisp, the curry bread was moist and tender. In short, they complemented each other perfectly.

"Thish ish rheallhy good," Joey mumbled around a mouthful of sandwich.

"Don't chew and speak at the same time," Kaiba scolded. "Bad puppy."

Joey swallowed, "I'll ignore the dog comment in favor of the peace. It's kinda nice ta not fight ya for once..."

The fangirl peering through the ventilation squealed in anticipation.

"... but don't expect to do this again anytime soon," Joey continued. "Unless we're gettin' food like this again."

Kita facepalmed.

"Whatever," Kaiba replied, then went back to thoughtfully chewing at the curry bread in his hand. They finished their first boxes in relatively peaceful silence.

Kita was ready to scream. All they were doing was sitting there and _eating_! No talking, no fighting, no _anything_! She fisted her hair in frustration.

Joey finished first, "There's another box."

Kaiba finished shortly after, "I suppose we haven't been poisoned yet."

"Sweet!" Joey exclaimed before opening the third box. His eyes bugged out. "Woah, literally... sweet!"

In the third box, there was a small cake- just the right size for two people to share. It was intricately decorated with the image of a Blue Eyes White Dragon on the side covered with chocolate marzipan, and the image of its counterpart, the Red Eyes Black Dragon, on the side of the cake covered in vanilla fondant. There were also a couple of photographs of the dessert taped to the lid of the box.

"Hm, looks good," Kaiba commented, vaguely wondering if he could perhaps hire the chef to work in Kaiba Corp's cafeteria.

Joey hunted for a knife to split the cake, then withdrew it from the depths of the picnic basket. They cut the cake in half, then went on to eat it. They made almost no eye contact whatsoever.

Kita sighed. This was going nowhere very fast. She left her post and unlocked the door, walking dejectedly to her next class.

"Is the fangirl gone yet?" Joey whispered quietly. "Those guys are really creepy."

Kaiba's large ears twitched, listening carefully for Kita's fading footsteps. When he deemed her far away enough to be out of earshot, he nodded.

"Thank Ra for that," Joey shuddered. "I swear, it's like we get locked up in some obscure place by a psycho fangirl every week."

"Tch. Like you don't enjoy it," Kaiba reached over to feel up Joey's arm.

Joey laughed shortly, "Aren't there better places you could molest?"

"Hn, perhaps there are," and Kaiba smirked before leaning over Joey and claiming his lips.

They didn't leave until the bell rung for class.


	5. Friday

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh. I don't own any aspect of it, be it the plot, the characters, or the card game. Kazuki Takahashi's. Not mine.

A/N: Whoo! The end has come!  
>Hey, so now that it's the last chapter, I'm going to tell you a secret. You remember the fic that I advertised for on Wednesday? Well, guess what! This fic is actually part of that universe. ^^; This fic stands on its own more than well enough, of course, but it just so happened to fit in there. I didn't mean for it to happen that way, but I started writing, and next thing you know, I have a fic that fits <em>perfectly<em> between chapters 9 and 10 of my other fic. -shot-  
>In any case, I hope you enjoy the ending. :) Please, review if you haven't already! I'd love to hear what you think of this story!<p>

Just in case you're wondering, the duel that Ryou mentions near the end takes place during episodes 135-137, Battle City arc.

Warnings: Fangirling, OCs with minor parts, conspiracy, Boy/Boy love.

* * *

><p>-Friday, 2:30 PM, Domino High School Kitchens-<p>

"Uh, hey," Louisa said. "Is it just me, or is something missing here?"

"Ryou couldn't make it today," Téa answered. "He's busy doing something at home."

"That's not fair!" Lulu pouted. "He's part of the Baking Club, too!"

"Is he?" Kita sneered. "He hasn't done anything at all this week to support the club's efforts to matchmake!"

"Guys," Téa sighed. "Focus on the task at hand! So, this emergency meeting of the Baking Club begins now!"

"We have to discuss our failure to push Kaiba and Joey together!" Kainou added. He pouted, then complained, "I was so sure that Joey wouldn't be able to fight the power of that aphrodisiac... I need a refund."

"We've tried everything! They even _dueled_, and dueling can be one of the most romantic things ever!" Yugi sighed. The other club members chose not to comment about that. "I even called Malik last night to see if he had any ideas!"

"What did he say?" Brianne leaned in eagerly, even though she didn't really know who Malik was.

"He said to try locking them together in a room for an extended period of time," Yugi pouted.

("Preferably a soul room in an inanimate object, such as a Millennium Rod," Yami quoted Malik in Yugi's head. Their Egyptian friend evidently got mixed up in all sorts of crazy things since the last time they met.)

"Well, we already tried _that_," Kita growled, still furious that she was unable to get them together.

"Wait," Kainou interjected. "Have you tried calling Kaiba's brother? You know, the cute kid we always see next to him on TV? I bet he's got all sorts of blackmail on him that we can use to make him say his love for Joey!"

"Like a diary, maybe!" Téa squealed. "That's brilliant!"

"Calling Mokuba," Yugi smiled, turning the cellular device to speakerphone.

"Hello?" the younger Kaiba answered after a few rings.

"Hi, Mokuba!" Yugi exclaimed. "This week, the High School Baking Club has been working on getting Kaiba and Joey together. We were wondering if you had any ideas about how to do it?"

"Wait..." Mokuba thought for a minute. "You mean 'get together' as in 'dating'?"

"Er, yes," Yugi answered. "Surely you've noticed the way they act around each other..."

"Hang on," Mokuba interrupted. "Kaiba as in _Seto_ Kaiba, my big brother?"

"Yes..."

"And you're referring to Joey _Wheeler_, as in the one who uses the Red Eyes Black Dragon and Scapegoat?"

"The very same!"

"Ummm..." Mokuba deliberated for a second. "I don't know how to tell you guys this, but they've been going out for almost a year."

Seven voices chorused one word simultaneously, one word that echoed throughout the school hallways:

"WHAT!"

-Friday, 3:00 PM, Bakura Household Kitchen-

"What, Bakura?" Ryou growled at his darker half, who was hovering over his shoulder as he was trying to bake.

When it was just the two of them like this, it was just easier to refer to his dark side as "Bakura", especially since he refused to answer to "Yami" ("That's what they call the Pharaoh! Disgusting."), couldn't stand the Egyptian term "Kkwy" ("Malik wouldn't shut up about his the entire time he was in our head. I'm sick of it."), thought that the terms "Shadow" and "Darkness" were boring ("They don't even _sound_ like names!") and wouldn't tell Ryou what he was called before being sealed in the ring. Ryou's only options were "His Highness, The Thief King" or "Bakura", so he chose the latter because it was less of a mouthful.

"You promised me a cake frosted to look like the Pharaoh's head," Bakura pouted.

"I'm making you the cake," Ryou glared at Bakura's partially translucent manifestation outside the Ring. "Or I would be if you'd stop bothering me about it!"

"I wanted to remind you," Bakura scowled back. "That I've been an extra-good evil spirit this week. I didn't come out at school even though I wanted to really poison the picnic basket on Thursday, I didn't go to the Game Shop to challenge the Pharaoh to a duel before Kaiba could on Wednesday, and I haven't killed anyone at all this week!"

"I suppose you _do_ deserve the reward for minimizing your chaos output this week," Ryou hesitantly agreed. "I only had to buy three new microwaves this week."

"I could just steal them for you," Bakura offered. "It's not like anyone would be able to tell it was you. I'm still the King of Thieves."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Ryou sighed. "Now, instead of trying to track the thief, they try to track the item. Every mass-produced item has its own specific number, and if you're caught with it, it spells trouble. And no, Bakura, you can't just send the police to the Shadow Realm."

"Fine," Bakura pouted again. "Is the cake ready yet?"

Ryou twitched. "No, Bakura. I haven't even put it in the oven yet."

"Can I use Shadow Magic to make it bake more quickly?" Bakura really wanted his cake. "I've been a really, _really_ good dark side this week... I didn't even tell anyone that we knew Kaiba was already dating Joey!"

"No, Bakura, you'll make it come to life... _again_," Ryou sighed exasperatedly. "And anyone with half a sense of relationships would have been able to tell that Kaiba and Joey were together. It's_ their_ fault for not noticing it sooner. I only regret being unable to get them together before Duke and Tristan did."

"Still, I didn't think that Dice Boy and Cone Head had it in them," Bakura mused. "Although I _do_ think they might be a little less goody-goody than all of your other so-called _friends_."

"Oh, hush!" Ryou scolded. "Even if they hadn't coerced Joey into admitting his feelings for Kaiba, they would've gotten together anyways. They're too similar to ignore it, what with the whole sibling complex and their shared passion when it comes to both fighting each other and dueling."

"Don't forget their pride," Bakura added. "They've both got issues with losing to each other. A perfect match."

Ryou laughed a little at that, "Though, who would have guessed that Joey threw that last duel at Battle City just to make Kaiba feel better about losing to Yugi?"

"Who knew the Retriever was so perceptive?" Bakura chuckled darkly. "Even though he was focusing on proving himself to Kaiba, he turned around and purposely attacked the wrong monster to let Kaiba summon his Blue Eyes."

"Well, I suppose what they say is true," Ryou looked at Bakura in the eyes, for the first time that afternoon. "Love makes you do crazy things."

Bakura cackled briefly before replying, "Whatever you say, my light. Whatever you say."

-Fin-

* * *

><p>OMAKE<p>

"Big brother," Mokuba looked up at Seto with big and glassy puppy-dog eyes. "Promise you won't be mad at me?"

Kaiba turned away from the mirror in front of him, where he had been donning a spiky-haired, blue wig . It was important that he be thoroughly disguised when out on a date with his Mutt. It wouldn't do for the press to catch him with such a third-rate duelist; his stocks would drop like Joey's Life Points had in their first duel together. This week, he needed his stocks to be as valuable as possible so he could exchange them for the Naomi Inc stocks that would enable him to take over that company.

"What is it, Mokuba?" Seto replied.

"Yugi called today," Mokuba shuffled his feet. "And I may have told him that you're dating Joey..."

"That's fine, Mokuba," Seto sighed. "Puppy was getting impatient waiting for Muto to figure it out anyway."

"He might've also been in a room with a bunch of fangirls, with his cell on speaker..."

"..."

"..."

"You're grounded."


End file.
